I'd like to ask my fellow bloggers how long it took to accept yourself as you are...naked to the bone. Obviously we're all on our journeys. There is no quick detour. It involves a lot of pain, and rejection. But we have to live life for ourselves right? For example, I don't think life is about constant stress and worry. Yet, it seems to be a theme in my environment. Indeed one has to work hard to achieve his/her dreams. Does it also mean a loss of balance? I'll confess that the lack of balance led to the near-death experience. I was in a self-destructive mode, both physically and emotionally. It led to a healthier lifestyle, more nature therapy (i.e. walking, hiking), and acceptance of my imperfections. This path is continuing, yet it's not being accepted by my "loved" ones. It's true what they say regarding such an experience....one has to die, in order to be reborn. So, how come I'm being hassled for being more light-hearted and relaxed? I certainly don't want to go back to the days of insomnia and chain smoking. I keep getting lectures by various people that I've wasted enough time. Or that I haven't had any struggles, or hardships. Since I'm an immigrant "child," this topic is constantly thrown in my face. That I don't know what it means to struggle. Whatever the hell that means. Our struggles are different than the natives'. Don't ever compare me with the homies!!! Grrrrr. Even after mentioning various traumatic incidents, these revelations did not fly with a certain family member. So, what to do except carry on....I'm done with expectations for others. It's a period of true self-love and discovery...like my hobby for baked goods, novels, and silly humor. These are the finer things in life. Not what my peers have accomplished, and how much I've lagged behind. If anything, I've gained gratitude that no one will understand.
I was cleaning out the closet (again!) and found an old plaque that was awarded during senior year of high school. It says "Outstanding National Honor Society Member." I was chosen by my classmates, other NHS members. I remember being shocked at the awards dinner. My heart pounded as I accepted the plaque. Seems that everyone was doing his/her best to keep it a secret. Though our class was a competitive bunch, everyone was smiling as I returned to the table. They were genuinely happy. Indeed, we did a lot of community service during those years. All the more reason to be proud. So, I removed the bubble wrap and hung it on the wall. My medical diploma is still in the case...
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I think you have found it: you can't live for another's expectations of what your life should be. You have to accept yourself, and take control of your own life.
I'm 34, and I'm still finding my place in this world. There's no simple path, no formula to follow, no yellow brick road. Just instinct, what feels right for you.
The best advice I've ever heard was "Do something you love or do something that allows you to do something you love."
Unless under extraordinary circumstances, I believe we're too young to be truly happy with who we are right now. Now, if we're talking about being happy naked, I'm content. I've accepted I won't do the time necessary to see my six-pack again, and I'm okay with that. :)
If you spend the rest of your life comparing yourself to others or holding yourself accountable for their rediculous standards... you'll never be happy. You have to start with being happy with who you are. I believe others pick up on our insecurities and offer advice (either hostile or well-meaning). But, if you're pleased with who you are, perhaps they'll follow suit and shut up. :)
First off, I think it's wonderful that you're seeking self-awareness and balance. Many people live in a state of mediocrity and ignorance, so you're already avoiding that pitfall. As for loving myself as I am, I think I have most of my adult life, but I grew up with a healthy self-confidence. Despite that I am constantly evolving and learning more about who I am and who I want to be, and it sounds like you're doing the same.
In regard to your path and your "love ones," I've learned that my friends (who unlike my family are chosen) often understand and offer the support I need. Unfortunately our families do not always do the same, and I'm sorry some of your "loved ones" believe you are wasting time. Whose time? Why does it matter? Who cares if you're missing a few months or years of wage earning, 401k growing time? I have no doubt you will not regret this time off and that you'll be glad you're seeking to create a sustainable and healthy environment for yoursef. I, for one, am impressed with you and what I know of your choices.
Blackcrag-I'll take that quote to heart. I'm packing up the goods for my next ride. Doing all the legwork myself this time:-)
Aaron-You know, I was more content of the work during high school, than the adult world of university. Of course it's part of the journey. The more I stand up for myself, the more I'm told that I've accomplished "nothing." Hehe. It's funny, I should just laugh right? Yep, in the Eastern world, I have "low" standards. I'm proud of it all:-)
Ally-You'll never believe it, but I had an entry level job at a textiles factory for more than a year. It was a shock to everyone, except my true friends. I never had a job, except for babysitting. Well, of course, it caused a riot with "loved" ones. I wasn't going to do it for the rest of my life, but I had to do it for sanity's sake. Some days were fun, others blah. It was pure real world experience. No regrets about the "time wastage"...Thanks for sharing your personal insights.
Don't compare yourself to others!! You are awesome the way that you are. You are truly a life saver. You've told me that many times, I've given you "signs" (CELEBRATION) that life is worth living. But you've never accepted the fact that because of you, many of your friends have also lived.
You are an example to others! And you have inspired others. Take that to the bank and deposit it.
Don't let anyone tell you what you AREN'T. Remember, to many of those who know you...you ARE!
I'm still trying to live up to people's expectations of me. I don't know what the deal is. I just grew up with it, and even now as an adult, I can't shake it completely.
Angel--Dearest you know that I won't allow myself to be compared. I'm learning to accept myself at this age! A certain "loved" one will always use comparisons, no matter what I do. I'm trying to move beyond the crazy expectations by going on another route. I realized that I turned out alright:) In fact, I'm more proud of the high school diploma than the medical one. But all the experiences have been for the greater good. Almost done with most of the paperwork for this new path! Yeehaw!
Phoenix--I feel your pain buddy. For me it started at a young age. I use humor to deal with the pain. But you're totally fine! I would like to start a radio show, too. Uh one day:)
I'm not sure of all of your interrelationships, so I can't really say why they are doing this.
However I can say something about my own experience with this subject.
16 years I lived life for my husband, for my children for my worker, for my parents...
After I found out a few things regarding my husband and that I was co-dependant I realized I had to change. I was like you at my bottom. I was only here to be here, not really living life.
I did the step program, saw how I was treating myself, saw that I had to make the changes for me. I started doing so...
The family (especially the spouse) reacted negitively. Why???
Because they didn't want to change, they wanted me to be the same, they were used to a ruetine.
But I was determined and You know what?? after awhile they got used to it, they changed, they realized that it was for the better.
Change requires effort and time.
DayByDay
I know the saying goes that you get comfortable in your skin as you et older, and maybe I am just not old enough. I generally feel pretty good about myself but there will be some weeks when I struggle with who I am and what I have accomplished. It is a a journey for sure, and good luck to all of us trying to make our way through it.
Nice blog and really motivates u wht u exactly want to do in life.... living upto the other expectations or following others drems....it involves great courage to follow ur dreams and blessed those u do so...
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