I've been a real slacker! Sorry for not updating this wacky blog. Work and play cycle has been taking its toll. Actually it's good because my sleep has been deep and peaceful, with the occasional bizzare dream. When I'm not working, I hang out with friends and participate in the wild outings of rural PA. One weekend we checked out local dive bars. We're talking in the middle of nowhere! At both places I felt like I was reliving the scene from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" where Pee Wee enters a biker bar and sticks out like a sore thumb. For the most part the patrons were friendly, but probably wondering where all the brown people live in this neck of the woods. The evening ended with a surprise visit to a cabin nestled literally in the woods. We crashed a poker game. The poker buddies are friends of my roomie's ex-hubby. She wanted to make sure that they knew she was doing fine without him. I thought it took a lot of balls. Apparently the friends knew that the ex was cheating on her, and never said a word. Not sure how I'd feel, but at least she's getting her self-confidence back!
Now don't worry, my liver is fine! I also finished reading "My Life So Far." I felt like Jane Fonda was speaking to me, with her family's history of abuse and mental illness. She's a national treasure, and I hope that she's the recipient of a Kennedy Center Honors award! What an amazing woman--she is an example of someone living with Spirit. Versatile, truly compassionate to the human condition...I loved her in "On Golden Pond," the movie she starred in with her father. They had a distant relationship throughout her life, and eventually found healing and forgiveness through the making of the movie. I finished the book with a heavy heart...
I'd like to reconcile with my father--I haven't talked to him since I moved out. Who should make the move? What should I say? I said what I had to say, and have no regrets about speaking my feelings...suppressed by fear. So, if I'm trying to live without fear, then I should have no problems with a phone call. But alas, my contact with the family is limited to my mother. She's happy to see me living an independent life. She'd let me know when it's appropriate to initiate contact. Anyhow, Fonda's book is rather big, but I'd recommend it to everyone, especially to those who've survived abuse. It's hard to define this word to the Eastern culture because what might be abuse in the West, is a normal part of life various parts of the world. Hell I'd kick someone's ass if I was told that I had no brain...Okay I'm not for violence, but if the need arises, I'll make sure that my voice is heard. The book made me realize that all the journeys will teach us lessons about universal love. I know that despite the pains, I've tried to see the best in others. And if I hadn't been left alone at the age of six, perhaps I wouldn't have had the strength to survive in difficult situations. Here's to empowerment! Have a splendid week:)
P.S. I found out that I'm accepted for a master's in public health program! Yeeehaaaw! Giddiyup..sorry got carried away. I live in the country:) Gonna take it easy for the next few months. Before you know it, I'll be with the books again. Might as well enjoy this sabbatical!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
My Life So Far
This will be a short post since I haven't had much sleep. I had to work an extra shift because a co-worker had a sudden illness. I thought I could do it, since I'm a recovering night owl. I came to work at 3pm yesterday, and left at 7:30 this morning. It was alright--I got to finish about 100 pages of Jane Fonda's "My Life So Far." EXCELLENT! Shall write a review about it later on. Came home and watched a bit of morning TV. I'm not sure if I want to hear the perky voices on MSNBC in a zombie-like state. Joe Scarborough showed a clip of Letterman saying a joke about Rosie O'Donnell's new book..."There were 3 chapters about 'bush' and one about the president" The world has really come to an end if we can joke about bushes at 8 in the morning...
I had an excellent weekend. My roomie and I shared some laughs over movies and beer (okay I do feel like I'm living in a sorority--it's all good!). We were thinking of hitting the exciting night life of this small town, but why waste dough at the bars when you can get a case of booze and relax at the comfort of one's home? You can use your own bathroom--number one reason to stay at home. Saw "Risky Business"...first time ever. Shame on me, the 80's child. But the best flick of the weekend was "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Yes, I missed out on this hit when it came out. The opening scene was classic. Hehehehe. I'm not sure which ones are my favorite lines, but "bag of sand" and "Did you have a strawberry daquiri by any chance?" are stuck...I know I'll watch this a zillion times to hear the one-liners. After the movies, we went to the store at 3am. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. I'm sure they've seen drunks coming for cheddar cheese pretzels during that hour.
P.S. Don't worry...I'm not an alcoholic.
I had an excellent weekend. My roomie and I shared some laughs over movies and beer (okay I do feel like I'm living in a sorority--it's all good!). We were thinking of hitting the exciting night life of this small town, but why waste dough at the bars when you can get a case of booze and relax at the comfort of one's home? You can use your own bathroom--number one reason to stay at home. Saw "Risky Business"...first time ever. Shame on me, the 80's child. But the best flick of the weekend was "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Yes, I missed out on this hit when it came out. The opening scene was classic. Hehehehe. I'm not sure which ones are my favorite lines, but "bag of sand" and "Did you have a strawberry daquiri by any chance?" are stuck...I know I'll watch this a zillion times to hear the one-liners. After the movies, we went to the store at 3am. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. I'm sure they've seen drunks coming for cheddar cheese pretzels during that hour.
P.S. Don't worry...I'm not an alcoholic.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things
10 Current Things That I'm Grateful For...
1) Queen Size Ozark Trail Air Mattress--wow better than a real bed! Worth every penny
2) Always Ultra Thin Feminine Pads--how the heck did women deal with this issue in the old days??! Sorry I tried tampons, but they just didn't feel comfortable. However, they are valuable during beach/swimming excursions.
3) Beer--I celebrated with my new housemate and her pal over the weekend. Lionshead is the new favorite. As if I know anything about beer! I was pretty trashed and pretty much confessed my sins and let out the pain. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the tequila shots. I didn't eat the worm! Caused a weird headache the next day. It's alright to do this sort of activity once in a while...
4) Irish Festivals--Not only did I have a hangover, the next day, we went to a wine-tasting festival (along with Celtic musical acts). It was hot and humid, so we left early...which brings to mind the next item...
5) Swimming pools--Even better...when the pool is located in the mountains. The setting was perfect.
6) Barbeques--After the water therapy, we had a nice chicken BBQ. Yuuuum!!!
7) Yapping with new people--Stayed up late talking with a talented musician. Alright the pharmacist crush is over! You had your chance buddy! Anyway, I forgot what it was like to talk to people other than my cats. You know what I mean. It's always nice to meet new people, and yap about mundane matters. He's also younger, though I wouldn't guess the age with his maturity level.
8) My boss--She's one of the most amazing human beings that I've ever met. She basically helped me find a place to stay, and hang out with her family over the weekend...thus the story behind some of the previous items of gratitude. Lord, thanks for sending these angels into my life.
9) Taking time off--I was under a lot of pressure to start grad school this fall, but since delays with transcripts and other red tape matters took over, I was told that I could start next semester if everything clears with the committe.
10) Self-discovery is an exciting phase of life. It's continuous, evolving, and deliciously fun!
1) Queen Size Ozark Trail Air Mattress--wow better than a real bed! Worth every penny
2) Always Ultra Thin Feminine Pads--how the heck did women deal with this issue in the old days??! Sorry I tried tampons, but they just didn't feel comfortable. However, they are valuable during beach/swimming excursions.
3) Beer--I celebrated with my new housemate and her pal over the weekend. Lionshead is the new favorite. As if I know anything about beer! I was pretty trashed and pretty much confessed my sins and let out the pain. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the tequila shots. I didn't eat the worm! Caused a weird headache the next day. It's alright to do this sort of activity once in a while...
4) Irish Festivals--Not only did I have a hangover, the next day, we went to a wine-tasting festival (along with Celtic musical acts). It was hot and humid, so we left early...which brings to mind the next item...
5) Swimming pools--Even better...when the pool is located in the mountains. The setting was perfect.
6) Barbeques--After the water therapy, we had a nice chicken BBQ. Yuuuum!!!
7) Yapping with new people--Stayed up late talking with a talented musician. Alright the pharmacist crush is over! You had your chance buddy! Anyway, I forgot what it was like to talk to people other than my cats. You know what I mean. It's always nice to meet new people, and yap about mundane matters. He's also younger, though I wouldn't guess the age with his maturity level.
8) My boss--She's one of the most amazing human beings that I've ever met. She basically helped me find a place to stay, and hang out with her family over the weekend...thus the story behind some of the previous items of gratitude. Lord, thanks for sending these angels into my life.
9) Taking time off--I was under a lot of pressure to start grad school this fall, but since delays with transcripts and other red tape matters took over, I was told that I could start next semester if everything clears with the committe.
10) Self-discovery is an exciting phase of life. It's continuous, evolving, and deliciously fun!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
How The Egg Got Her Groove Back
"Our children are born free, and their freedom is a gift of nature and not of those who gave them birth."--Thomas Jefferson
I found that quote in the recent edition of Esquire. Sean Penn quotes his admiration for the third president of the United States. I'd like to make a big banner of this quote and fly it all around town, especially to the Asian/Indian American community. I know that I shouldn't judge all parents, but I have a bone to pick with most of my peoples...You come to this country for a better life for the family, but please don't infuse the guilt trips of how the kiddies turned out into mutants....Yes, you had a hard life in the homeland, but it doesn't mean that you have to take it out on the kiddies. Abuse passes on to the generations, unless someone puts an end to the vicious cycle...
I have decided to keep an upbeat tone to this blog, yet I shall rant when there's no other outlet. The best way to describe my current mood is the scene from "Ferris Bueler's Day Off" when Cameron decides to go ape-shit on his father's car. I have no intentions of destroying property, and I don't think that my father values material things more than his family...But I'm sick of the fucked up arguments that I haven't struggled in life. I don't want sympathy. But don't give me the garbage that I've turned out to be an underachiever/slacker/spoiled brat...
If I was a spoiled brat, then I would have caused a riot when you sent out college applications on my behalf...without telling me or giving any choice in the matter. If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have covered up the years of abuse at the hands of a "good uncle"...just so that old wounds wouldn't be opened. If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have taken that beating for me and mom...and run off to a faraway post-communist country to gain "my freedom." If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have trashed the old blog...because I thought I was being selfish with my feelings towards "loved ones." If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't be able to reach out to others without judgment. I don't give a flying fuck if one has an MD, JD, DDS, MS, etc...we're all human beings, and trying to make the world a better place. Don't give me the bologna that I've turned out half-baked. If that's what you think, then go ahead and make yourself miserable. Because as Al Franken would say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me." Even if you don't like me, I don't care. I love myself with all the odd quirks and silliness..
Yes, I was feeling giddy with my crush and job. They gave much needed distractions from the drama called home-life. In an earlier entry, I said that I have a version of "All In The Family." Only I'd have the role of Meathead, and my brother would play the role of Gloria. We'd change their roles to brother and sister. He's the light-hearted one, who can uplift his sister when the going gets rough. Yes, he pisses me off at times, but we've been through enough shit together. Sorry that you had to follow my footsteps, too. Anyhow, I truly enjoyed the last few weeks of distractions because I needed them...
I'll be in touch. It's going to be an exciting ride. Sending out the paperwork for grad school has been fun (hehe). I did it my way. Finally I'll be making my own decisions without the constant guilt/emotional baggage/excessive stress. And this my friends, is what freedom is all about.
I found that quote in the recent edition of Esquire. Sean Penn quotes his admiration for the third president of the United States. I'd like to make a big banner of this quote and fly it all around town, especially to the Asian/Indian American community. I know that I shouldn't judge all parents, but I have a bone to pick with most of my peoples...You come to this country for a better life for the family, but please don't infuse the guilt trips of how the kiddies turned out into mutants....Yes, you had a hard life in the homeland, but it doesn't mean that you have to take it out on the kiddies. Abuse passes on to the generations, unless someone puts an end to the vicious cycle...
I have decided to keep an upbeat tone to this blog, yet I shall rant when there's no other outlet. The best way to describe my current mood is the scene from "Ferris Bueler's Day Off" when Cameron decides to go ape-shit on his father's car. I have no intentions of destroying property, and I don't think that my father values material things more than his family...But I'm sick of the fucked up arguments that I haven't struggled in life. I don't want sympathy. But don't give me the garbage that I've turned out to be an underachiever/slacker/spoiled brat...
If I was a spoiled brat, then I would have caused a riot when you sent out college applications on my behalf...without telling me or giving any choice in the matter. If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have covered up the years of abuse at the hands of a "good uncle"...just so that old wounds wouldn't be opened. If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have taken that beating for me and mom...and run off to a faraway post-communist country to gain "my freedom." If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't have trashed the old blog...because I thought I was being selfish with my feelings towards "loved ones." If I was a spoiled brat, then I wouldn't be able to reach out to others without judgment. I don't give a flying fuck if one has an MD, JD, DDS, MS, etc...we're all human beings, and trying to make the world a better place. Don't give me the bologna that I've turned out half-baked. If that's what you think, then go ahead and make yourself miserable. Because as Al Franken would say "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me." Even if you don't like me, I don't care. I love myself with all the odd quirks and silliness..
Yes, I was feeling giddy with my crush and job. They gave much needed distractions from the drama called home-life. In an earlier entry, I said that I have a version of "All In The Family." Only I'd have the role of Meathead, and my brother would play the role of Gloria. We'd change their roles to brother and sister. He's the light-hearted one, who can uplift his sister when the going gets rough. Yes, he pisses me off at times, but we've been through enough shit together. Sorry that you had to follow my footsteps, too. Anyhow, I truly enjoyed the last few weeks of distractions because I needed them...
I'll be in touch. It's going to be an exciting ride. Sending out the paperwork for grad school has been fun (hehe). I did it my way. Finally I'll be making my own decisions without the constant guilt/emotional baggage/excessive stress. And this my friends, is what freedom is all about.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Mission Accomplished
I did it! I sent a bag of goodies to my crush. Of course he wasn't expecting it, and had a surprised look on his face. And I was glad that I was able to utter a few words without hyperventilating. He smiled and said "That's excellent." I left a thank you note with my contact info. I'm not sure if I'll ever hear from him, but I took a chance...So much for keeping a low profile! Hehehe. I can't trust myself with these promises.
I have to tell you why I was so impressed with this gentleman. When I went to pick up my refills (along with my brother's), he began a pleasant exchange. A few minutes of joking came to end after I saw the bill for the dope (okay they're legal medications for headaches and allergies). Turns out the dear brother forgot to check about the co-pay for his share of the dope. It came out to almost 100 bucks. Seeing my expression he asked if I wanted to double check with dear brother. I didn't have a cell, so he dialed his number and gave me the phone. Of course he didn't want it. We're broke-ass MDs. So, we had to redo the bill and I left with my usual "Sorry about that"...I thought it was a nice gesture on his part. And, of course, it was another reason to find him even more charming/cute.
So, a few days ago I went back to deliver him some sweets from a local cafe. Their desserts are superbly yummy. I had to pick a day when he wasn't working--my luck! Two co-workers looked at me with a weird grin. Probably because I also had a weird grin. I can't help it--I give myself away with the silly mannerisms. They told me that he'd be back on Thurs and Fri. Alas, I finished the mission without a hitch. It would have been nice to exchange more pleasantries, but it was a place of business...and I didn't want to make more spicy drama with co-workers and customers. Few minutes of conversation and good-bye. Short and sweet.
Well, Universe you can't tell me that I didn't try. Now the ball is in your court. I have to thank my crew at the local cafe, and the elderly clients at the workplace...apparently times have changed. Hehehe. As if I didn't know that. Okay it doesn't hurt to get a nudge once in a while. (If he's taken, then it's okay. More espresso brownies for me!)
I have to tell you why I was so impressed with this gentleman. When I went to pick up my refills (along with my brother's), he began a pleasant exchange. A few minutes of joking came to end after I saw the bill for the dope (okay they're legal medications for headaches and allergies). Turns out the dear brother forgot to check about the co-pay for his share of the dope. It came out to almost 100 bucks. Seeing my expression he asked if I wanted to double check with dear brother. I didn't have a cell, so he dialed his number and gave me the phone. Of course he didn't want it. We're broke-ass MDs. So, we had to redo the bill and I left with my usual "Sorry about that"...I thought it was a nice gesture on his part. And, of course, it was another reason to find him even more charming/cute.
So, a few days ago I went back to deliver him some sweets from a local cafe. Their desserts are superbly yummy. I had to pick a day when he wasn't working--my luck! Two co-workers looked at me with a weird grin. Probably because I also had a weird grin. I can't help it--I give myself away with the silly mannerisms. They told me that he'd be back on Thurs and Fri. Alas, I finished the mission without a hitch. It would have been nice to exchange more pleasantries, but it was a place of business...and I didn't want to make more spicy drama with co-workers and customers. Few minutes of conversation and good-bye. Short and sweet.
Well, Universe you can't tell me that I didn't try. Now the ball is in your court. I have to thank my crew at the local cafe, and the elderly clients at the workplace...apparently times have changed. Hehehe. As if I didn't know that. Okay it doesn't hurt to get a nudge once in a while. (If he's taken, then it's okay. More espresso brownies for me!)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Soul music
I've been listening to good old fashioned 70's lately. I discovered a CD in my brother's collection. He said it was his buddy's. Since the buddy is living far away in a Mediterranean country, I figured that he wouldn't mind if I perused his stuff. After all, they used to borrow clothes if either one happened to crash at the other's place. I thought that it was kind of funny. I assumed that only women did this sort of stuff. They're best buds, who also have had their share of adventures with ladies. Ahem! I shouldn't judge since I've had my own dating nightmares. Back to the CD discovery...it's the Best of the Steve Miller Band. It has certainly brought much inspiration to my spirits....As you all know, I'm trying to break free from the mold and all. I like some of today's songs, but nothing compares to the 60's-80's...this stuff is pure magic. So, I'm sharing the lyrics to "Jet Airliner"...Captures my mood very well. In two weeks, I'll be somewhere out on my own...Listen to the song (by the way, how can I post songs? know of any good links?). It might kick you in one way or the other.
Leavin home, out on the road
Ive been down before
Ridin along in this big ol jet plane
Ive been thinkin about my home
But my love light seems so far away
And I feel like its all been done
Somebodys tryin to make me stay
You know Ive got to be movin on
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Goodbye to all my friends at home
Goodbye to people Ive trusted
Ive got to go out and make my way
I might get rich you know I might get busted
But my heart keeps calling me backwards
As I get on the 707
Ridin high I got tears in my eyes
You know you got to go through hell
Before you get to heaven
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Touchin down in new england town
Feel the heat comin down
Ive got to keep on keepin on
You know the big wheel keeps on spinnin around
And Im goin with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I dont want to get caught up in any of that
Funky shit goin down in the city
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Carry me to my home
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its there that I belong
Leavin home, out on the road
Ive been down before
Ridin along in this big ol jet plane
Ive been thinkin about my home
But my love light seems so far away
And I feel like its all been done
Somebodys tryin to make me stay
You know Ive got to be movin on
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Goodbye to all my friends at home
Goodbye to people Ive trusted
Ive got to go out and make my way
I might get rich you know I might get busted
But my heart keeps calling me backwards
As I get on the 707
Ridin high I got tears in my eyes
You know you got to go through hell
Before you get to heaven
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Touchin down in new england town
Feel the heat comin down
Ive got to keep on keepin on
You know the big wheel keeps on spinnin around
And Im goin with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I dont want to get caught up in any of that
Funky shit goin down in the city
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah
Big ol jet airliner
Dont carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that Ive got to stay
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Carry me to my home
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its there that I belong
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Is it the heat?
A woman can have the occasional relapse. I have a silly crush on a blond haired, blue-eyed soul. Alright alright...I have a weakness for such features. Earlier it used to be Mediterranean delicacy. Tastes have changed over the years. Please lay off the puns. I say that word with full force. When I was in university, I asked one of my buddies what his family would say if he fell for a non-white chick. He said "Oh they'll say he's just tasting." WTF? Not sure how we stayed friends after that line. I must have had a lot of tolerance in those days.
Now I suddenly want to run to the pharmacy all the time. I've had my eye on him for a while. He's a handsome one! Just played it cool today with the refills. Damn it I didn't look for the magic ring! I wanted to yap more, but there were customers behind. He seems like a nice guy. A girl can dream right? Last week was the only time I didn't want to see him. I had to stock up on big boxes of feminine pads (they were on sale--a real bargain!).
Some of my amigos know that I have no trouble with asking the opposite sex out. Ahem..."Reach out and touch someone." I did just that with a text message. Too bad that he had to move out of town for a job transfer. However, I'll keep a low profile this time around. Flirting is harmless, unless he's taken...
Now I suddenly want to run to the pharmacy all the time. I've had my eye on him for a while. He's a handsome one! Just played it cool today with the refills. Damn it I didn't look for the magic ring! I wanted to yap more, but there were customers behind. He seems like a nice guy. A girl can dream right? Last week was the only time I didn't want to see him. I had to stock up on big boxes of feminine pads (they were on sale--a real bargain!).
Some of my amigos know that I have no trouble with asking the opposite sex out. Ahem..."Reach out and touch someone." I did just that with a text message. Too bad that he had to move out of town for a job transfer. However, I'll keep a low profile this time around. Flirting is harmless, unless he's taken...
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